Notice to All Employees: As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness...
[John K. Matyi] I wrote this answer in response to an email I received and I got such a positive response from those who received it I decided to post it on our blog. I hop you like it.
[My response starts here] The only problem I see with this is that there are literally millions of people on this 3rd planet from the Sun that will see this as a ‘good thing.’ Another million or two will see themselves as too busy to get involved in anything as trivial as research before they vote because they have been promised hope and change. They will wake up around 2010 and realize that they made a mistake, but will still be too busy to do anything about it because they are still being promised hope and change (or is it change and hope?).
Just about then the election for the 2012 presidential race will begin, but because they have been consistently told by the Obama Ministry for Disinformation that they are doing better than ever in their lives, they will again ignore the people who live in the “Fly over” states like Alabama, and watch ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and MSNBC for their daily (mandatory) 4 hours of ‘entertainment.’
There will be no Cable or Satellite channels like Fox News and the radio stations will now only play hip hop music; no talk radio will be allowed unless it has been first approved by the Obama Office of Fairness. The new National Health Care Plan will now be extended to include abortion up to 24 months after delivery for anyone who was “punished” by a baby.
Euthanasia will also be mandatory ( and covered in our global health care system) for all patients over the age of 30 who are diagnosed with a life threatening illness as they would tax the medical system with exorbitant charges which would not be fair. New patients will soon be guaranteed an appointment with a ‘health care provider’ within 12 months, but this will not begin until the Office of Planned Parenthood has lowered the population by another 50% in order to abide by the new Department of Environmental regulations.
On the good side when November 4th comes around in 2012, there will be no need for anyone to vote anyway as that ridiculous practice will not be necessary for the citizens of the Federation of all Nations on this 3rd planet from the Sun which will allow us more time to watch TV in our comfortable 68° apartment on our Federation approved Flat Screen TV.
Sorry, I would like to continue, but it appears I have used up my allowed 15 minutes of Internet time for the day and anyway... Wait, there appear to be several large men at my door from the Obama Truth Army. They say they need to take me for a ride in their shiny black Federation SUV for a well deserved vacation in a reeducation camp. I hope to be able to continue this conversation tomorrow………. [static static static static]
[Editor’s Note] Sorry, I woke up early this morning and just had to put my nightmare down on paper before I forgot it. I will try and comply with the new sleep laws and take my evening psychotropic drugs to assure that I enjoy my mandated 16 hour sleep period. I will ride my bicycle an extra hour per day for the next week in self imposed penance. Please don’t report me to the Department of Compliance, I am truly sorry.
Notice to All Employees [Original email]
As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:
1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a "fair shake."
2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are "too busy for overtime" to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.
3. All top management will now be referred to as "the government." We will not participate in this "pool ing" experience because the law doesn't apply to us.
4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging it's workers to continue to work hard "for the good of all".
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's "good to spread the wealth." Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic."
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad, though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!
If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.
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